Are you familiar with the massively reductive, scientifically dubious, but nonetheless fun Myers Briggs personality test, and, if so, are you an INFP by any chance? Sounds like some weapons grade overthinking here. (I got INTJ in that test, which according to many basically means the Devil, but oh well...)

Anyway, I think I'm a bit late commenting, but I just wanted to bludgeon you with a bit of extra affirmation. Obviously, I don't know you in real life, but based on what I've read by you and about you here, you're a talented, witty, erudite, thoughtful, highly intelligent individual, not to mention bold and indomitable, even when you don't feel it. Anyone blessed with such a splendid combination of personality traits is bound to experience off days, whether due to depression or any number of other spanners in the works.

Obviously, be kind to yourself. You are self-aware enough to realise you are brilliant, flaws and all, despite the irksome nature of feelings in general (personally, I've tried to outsource all my feelings to cinema).

I'm not sure how to end this comment, other than to say I'm cheering for you. :)