Fifty Shades is unutterably ghastly.

Funny story: When having a conversation with a group of evangelical Christians about what films we'd recently seen at the cinema, one particular young woman, a relatively new convert, blurted out Fifty Shades of Grey. Cue a chorus of disapproval. I turned to her very sternly and said: "My problem isn't that you saw a BDSM film. It's that you saw a bad BDSM film. Try Belle De Jour, Secretary, or The Duke of Burgundy instead." Immediately the chorus of disapproval was directed at me instead, but I simply laughed, as I'm well used to (and indeed enjoy) shocking the pearl-clutchers of this world (although to be fair, these were mostly nice people - I just didn't want them picking on the new kid, so to speak, whereas they were well used to my reprobate ways).