Hahahahaha! I know exactly what you mean. Here's a sociopathically long essay from yours truly that's actually my most read article on Medium, believe it or not (flying in the face of all conventional wisdom). I'm not expecting you to read it, merely to look at how long it is. :)

https://medium.com/framerated/has-james-bond-finally-met-his-match-17b3e7ee9c6c