Hilariously written and deeply alarming at the same time. Thankfully, I got married in 1385, and won the heart of my wife the traditional way, ie by rescuing her from the highest tower of a fortress, after she'd been kidnapped by a total cad and bounder. Along the way, I had to slay several monsters, answer fiendish riddles, and journey deep into my innermost soul to prove my worthiness.

Much better than all this swipey-appy nonsense.