OK, here's some honest feedback: This is perfectly competent and well written, and there are some great lines (as I have highlighted) but where is your voice? I honestly think you would be better off rewriting this in the style you write your other pieces on Medium. I know it isn't grammatically correct, but it is a joy to read, a unique voice, and brilliantly written. It is, in my opinion, your greatest strength, and what will make your work stand out.

At the very least, please consider a halfway house, as I think as it stands, this is too formal.