The principles you discuss here are applicable to all forms of writing, not just erotica (I don't write erotica, but found this article illuminating). I suppose all authors have to decide which hills to die on. I have a few, but on the whole am willing to compromise where necessary.

In some of my novels, I've had to consider carefully when to offend on purpose, and how to avoid doing so accidentally. I wrote about that here, if you're interested. :)