This is far better, and I think if you write in this voice consistently, you'll have a compelling book. I know you have a lot of anecdotes and I suspect your problem won't be writing (as long as you stay in this authentic mode). Your challenge will be selecting incidents and arranging them in a particular order, what to include, exclude, etc in service of a greater whole. But I know you'll have a good instinct for that once you have a first draft. Can't wait to read the finished product. :)